holy emotions

I don't know if it's truly hormonal, or if it's a combination of stress and hormones, but last night and this morning were ROUGH.  After finding out that Jacob was out having a great time with his team at a quaint German restaurant in Maryland, I somehow allowed myself to plummet into a spiral of self-pity and doubt. A hysterical sobbing fit ensued in the wee hours after imagining all sorts of improbabilities - mainly cute bartenders wearing wench/maid outfits flaunting voluminous bosoms in Jacob's face.  Nothing of the sort actually happened, but I have too much of an imagination to tell me otherwise.  Envisioning these youthful barmaids dancing or singing German folk songs whilst cozying up to my husband reminded me of just how old, fat, and physically destroyed I am right now....and how I will just continue to grow older and wrinklier and saggier while Jacob will only become more handsome and distinguished-looking.  I really wish I had my friends close by so I, too, could enjoy a night out once in a while.  I used to have fun.  I used to dance and get dressed up and get myself in to crazy situations...now I just sit all day, do homework, and eat.  (this is the pity party I was referencing earlier)  There's really nothing like having three or four girlfriends to go tear up the night with. :)  This is why I want to find a place to lay down roots  - moving around so much is not conducive to developing a solid group of friends.  All my friends are spaced out all over the country...making it sort of hard to get together on a whim.